The key to happiness
Relationships aren't convenient, but they're life-giving.
One of my favorite pieces of research is the over 80-year-long study from Harvard Health that says, more than any other factor of life, “Good relationships keep us happier and healthier.”
This week, so many of my closest friends gathered in a random little Virginia town. We went back and forth for weeks over when could work for everyone, then where to meet; still not everyone could actually make it, in the end. We’re spread across the country and separated by demanding jobs and school.
It’s been a sweet and quick three day get together. And I know that each of us, in our moments, probably grumbled about the inconvenience and the driving. I know I did. But no matter the travel, these connections are worth it.
I’m inspired by these women. One is changing young kids’ lives in connecting them to the natural world. Another just met Hillary Clinton. And one dear gal is leaving in a matter of weeks to Cameroon for Peace Corps. I know I could call each of them if I was in pain or crisis or heartbreak.
When my mother was in the wake of her first divorce back in 2006, she took a month to stay with one of her best friends, Jeanette, and her husband Bryan at their home in Maine. She’d chain smoke and drink her wine and write in her journals. Jeanette and Bryan’s eight year old son would repeatedly remind her that smoking was bad for her. It was an excruciating period.
Normally, she was open and kind, able to talk to most anyone. But she was so insecure at that point that she was intimidated by other women, stiff when she met Jeanette’s friends. At that crux point in life, she just needed her closest friends.
I brought one of my closest friends to visit Jeanette and Bryan. We slept upstairs and smiled all weekend. Afterwards, Jeanette reflected that she’d had many friends in life. “But there are some core friendships that change you,” she said. “Those, you only get a handful.”
Watching my friend Lucy and I be so gleeful and loving, so supportive and enthused, Jeanette knew that this friendship qualified. Now I’m watching that same joyous and loving Lucy step into her own adventure through the PeaceCorps.
But it’s not just her, it’s not just me. It’s each of us. And it’s beautiful to see. When we’re all together, I hear stories about how someone went through a breakup and another person called them every single day just to check in, just to let them cry on the phone if they needed.
Through the hardest points in life, we have each other. Feeling supported by a community is the greatest predictor of health and mental wellness later in life, according to that same Harvard study. To be all together, raucous and goofy and yet shockingly ‘adult,’ is one of the greatest gifts I have given myself in a long, long time. And their presence is one of the greatest gifts these women could give me.
